Nazz the Ed
by OmegaSpider
Summary: Nazz starts hanging out with the Eds. Shifting the balance in power of the cul-de-sac. Much to the confusion of our three zeroes. With an obviously enraged Kevin, the Eds have a new friend, but can they keep her? Not really shipping, unless you read between the lines. Also rated T just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1 The Shake Up

I own nothing. All characters are owned by their respectful owners. If I owned them I wouldn't be making fanfiction, now would I?

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Chapter 1

The Shake Up

Peach Creek Junior High

Wednesday

9:00 a.m.

Junior High.

It is no spicy cesspool of crime and villainy…it is worse. Far, far worse.

Students have devolved back into their stone age equivalents.

Separating into shallow tribes, dubbed "cliques", for protection and a sense of belonging.

Woe be those poor, misbegotten souls without the prerequisite social graces to join any cliques. The ostracized, the oppressed…the Eds!

But what would happen if there were a sudden shift in the balance of power? Surely a cataclysmic event would require a momentous undertaking of reality warping proportions!

Or eight words:

"Hey dudes, can we hang out this weekend?" Nazz, aka the most popular girl in school, asked.

The Eds stood there. Silent. Dumbfounded. Confused.

(Moreso than usual in Big Ed's case)

Our "heroes" had gone to their lockers for their usual meet up at their usual spot. However, they were joined by an unexpected guest, in the form of Nazz.

"I must be more tired than I thought from that movie marathon last night." Eddy chuckled hysterically. "I thought Nazz just said she wanted to hang out this weekend." Eddy said pointing his thumb at Nazz.

"This reminds me of this old black and white TV show where an announcer would narrate tales of parallel dimensions which led to surreal landscapes, with metaphorical consequences and educational cautionary morals!" Ed proclaimed to the heavens.

DUN DUN DUN

"Also, there was a spooky door." Ed added, pulling his jacket over his head, hiding as his eyes darted around nervously.

"Ed shaddup." Eddy sighed. "It-it's too early for this right now."

"Why we would be delighted to have you join us wouldn't we chums?" Double D asked, giddy with delight.

"For reals?" Nazz asked, clasping her hands together. "Awesome!"

"I would be tickled turquoise." Ed said smiling a toothy grin.

"What bet did you lose?" Eddy asked bluntly.

Everyone was silent.

"Don't act like I was the only one thinkin' it." Eddy groaned, annoyed that he felt that he needed to point that out.

"Eddy I'm surprised at you!" Double D said exasperated. "Mostly because I thought you'd claim to be the cause of Nazz's little social defection, admittedly but also because of your rude, baseless acusation!"

"Taking credit would be Awake-Eddy," Eddy explained, "this, is Too-Early-For-This-Eddy."

"Can I be Zorlof destroyer of worlds?" Ed asked.

"Knock yerself out." Eddy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Um…dudes?" Nazz asked, finally speaking up. "I get that its…different for me to ask if we can hang out, but I was hoping that we could become better friends. Also, I'm curious about what you three do for fun."

"Huddle." Eddy ordered snapping his fingers.

His two friends huddled around him.

"I think we should give her a chance to prove her intentions are indeed genuine." Double D stated, compassionately.

"Whatever, its an excuse to hang out with Nazz, even if it is a trap." Eddy rationalized.

"Is it my turn to bat?" Ed asked.

"Alright yer in, Nazz." Eddy said bluntly, breaking up the huddle.

"You know I could hear everything you said, right?" Nazz responded.

"Nevertheless, when did you want to meet with us?" Double D asked, smiling nervously, and trying to avoid further embarrassment.

"How does Friday at five sound?" Nazz asked. "Also, can we hang out the whole weekend."

The three boys then blushed bright red.

"In a heartbeat." Double D said love-struck.

"See ya tomorrow at five!" Nazz said as she ran down the hall.

"A popular blonde girl joining up with a bunch of social misfits and/or nerds…" Double D summarized. "Why does that sound vaguely familiar…?"

"Now ain't that good original writing?" Ed asked, smiling vacantly.

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	2. Chapter 2 Ripple Effect

I own nothing. All characters are owned by their rightful owners.

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Peach Creek Junior High

Thursday

1:00 p.m.

Nazz was moving books from her locker, in order to get ready for the next class which was gym. She was also just relieved that the day would soon be over.

"Hey." A voice said to Nazz.

"Hello Kevin." Nazz said, her gaze never straying from the inside of her locker.

"I heard some dumb rumor that you were hanging with the dorks this weekend." Kevin said. "Want me to beat up the dork that made it up?"

"How'd you hear about it already?" Nazz asked, turning to Kevin with genuine curiosity.

"Big Dork ran around the school saying "Nazz is coming over", over and over again." Kevin elaborated.

"Well that's not true." Nazz stated, matter-of-factly.

"Duh." Kevin scoffed.

"We're meeting at Eddy's place." Nazz clarified.

"That's what I said, y'know he has better music than-WAIT WHAT!?" Kevin asked shocked. "How can you hang with those…those…!?"

"Don't stop now, it's the one word you know." Nazz said sarcastically.

"…Dorks!?" Kevin finished. "Especially when you can hang with me, and ride on my sweet bike, cruising down the lane?" Kevin said flexing.

"As if." Nazz scoffed. "Besides, like I said, I have plans to hang out with the Eds this weekend."

"You don't seem to get how this works." Kevin growled.

"No you don't." Nazz retorted, slamming her locker. "And this conversation is over."

Nazz started to walk away, however Kevin then grabbed Nazz's arm and squeezed.

"Kevin…you're hurting me." Nazz said shocked, and a little scared.

"No." Kevin ordered. "Not until you understand that-"

"Hey shovel-chin, the lady said back off." A new voice said from down the hallway.

The two looked to see the voice came from Eddy.

"Watch it short stack." Kevin threatened.

"Or what you'll beat me up?" Eddy asked, in mock innocence. "Golly gee Mister Kevin that's NEVER happened before!" Eddy mocked as he often does.

"The clock's ticking, dork." Kevin growled through grit teeth.

"You leave Nazz alone, or I'll tell the whole school I saw you hurt her." Eddy threatened. "Sure, if it was just Nazz, it'd be your word against her's but a witness…"

"Alright dorky, but mark my words." Kevin threatened, letting go of Nazz. "This. Ain't. Over."

Kevin then stormed off.

"Thanks Eddy." Nazz said rubbing her arm.

"No prob." Eddy said smirking. "When you deal with that lunkhead as much as I have, you learn how to deal with him."

"Also, a little blackmail never hurt anyone." Nazz added with a smirk.

"Oh, please not blackmail, its such a dirty word." Eddy said. "I prefer extortion, the "x" makes it sound cooler, and if the 90's taught me anything its that things with an "x" in them are cooler."

"My hero." Nazz said rolling her eyes.

"Eh, it wasn't anything that any ruggedly handsome, lantern-jawed, idol of millions wouldn't have done." Eddy boasted (and how!).

"I see Awake-Eddy is back." Nazz noticed.

"Eh I took a nap in English." Eddy admitted, as the two walked off to the gym. "Not like I'm gonna use it or nothin'."

Nazz laughed.

Eddy blushed.

"I'll see you in gym." Nazz said smiling. "We can talk more then if ya like."

"Uh, sure." Eddy said, rubbing his arm, all the while his ears felt like they were on fire and his face was redder than an apple.

Eddy went to the boy's locker room and changed into his gym clothes. At this point, he realized that Nazz would be doing the same thing in the girl's locker room. And unfortunately, couldn't force the thought of the pretty blonde girl changing in the adjacent locker room.

"Gee Plank you're right." Johnny 2x4 said to his wooden board.

"What Johnny?" Eddy asked, hoping this would force the image out of his head.

"Plank just said how you're so sweaty and we haven't even gone outside yet!" Johnny explained.

"Johnny can you tell Plank something for me?" Eddy asked politely.

"Sure thing Eddy." Johnny answered. "What?"

"I hope he gets termites." Eddy said angrily.

Eddy then stormed out into the gym.

Attendance was taken, they went outside, and were going to be running laps in order to practice for the Mile Run next week.

Eddy, deciding to take some initiative walked over to Nazz.

"Hey Eddy," Nazz asked as the two started to jog, "what's up?"

"Look you, uh said we could talk, right?" Eddy asked, shaking, as he sweat.

"Yeah, dude what's up?" Nazz asked, smiling from ear to ear.

Eddy, red as a beat and sweating like a pig in an oven, said the first thing that came to mind.

"So how dumb is it that we gotta practice for a mile run, amirite?" Eddy asked, nervously.

…

Don't give me that look, he could've said something **WAY** worse.

"I mean why practice for running?" Eddy asked. "S'not like we haven't been doing it forever."

"Well, they're trying to test if we are healthy enough to run a whole mile under a certain amount of time." Nazz explained.

"Oh…uh, yeah sure." Eddy said, embarrassed.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Eddy thought. "Of course, Nazz takes her grades seriously, just like sockhead."

"Now what you **should** be asking is how running a mile under a certain amount of time automatically makes us healthy." Nazz suggested, smiling. "And why our personal health has to be tied to our grades."

"Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'!" Eddy, said his hair perking up. "I mean, sue me if I can't run fast enough to outrun a lion."

"Oh darn, there goes a completely necessary skill with all the lions in the cul-de-sac." Nazz said sarcastically.

Nazz and Eddy laughed, with the latter making a mental note to use lions in the cul-de-sac for a future scam.

"Look Nazz, I gotta ask this," Eddy sighed, relenting to what he really wanted to talk to Nazz about, "why're ya doin' this to yerself?"

"Doing what?" Nazz asked, confused, but still smiling.

"Throwin' in with us Eds?" Eddy asked.

Nazz paused, her smile faded, and she slowed her jog to a crawl.

"Y'know if ya hang out with us yer popularity'll take a nosedive, right?" Eddy added, making the downward motion with his hand. "What am I sayin'? Of course, you'd know. Yer smart."

Nazz blushed at the compliment.

"Look," Eddy said, avoiding eye contact, "remember the time I made up those phony identities and started hanging with you guys?"

"Yeah?" Nazz asked, eyebrow raised. "You even had me fooled."

"That was probably the best day of my life." Eddy said, without a hint of his usual, trademark sarcasm.

"Wha-how-Eddy?" Nazz asked, taken aback by the statement, that she was having Eddy open up to her.

"That day I wasn't a loser, I had a fresh start and could be cool." Eddy elaborated. "The best day of my life, and I wasn't even **me** that day…well most of the day. I got to be popular. I don't want you to lose what you got because we're not cool enough. Ta lose what the boys and I **wish** we coulda had. Y'don't deserve it."

"Eddy." Nazz said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Look is this a prank?" Eddy asked bluntly, pulling away.

"What?" Nazz, asked surprised at the allegation.

"I know everyone thinks I'm just a big mouth who's barely smarter than Ed, but even I can see the writing on the wall." Eddy responded. "I know pranks aren't your style, but Kevin…"

"Eddy." Nazz said seriously. "I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that this isn't a prank. But…" Her tone then changed from one of sincerity to anger. "…how could you even think that!? You saw what Kevin just di-"

"That's what I'm saying." Eddy interrupted.

"Huh?" Nazz asked, in shock.

"Yer smart, like Double D," Eddy explained, "but you'd have to know Kevin wouldn't be too happy about you hanging with us."

"I just…" Nazz stammered. "…I never thought he'd bully me…"

"…the way he bullies us?" Eddy said, finishing Nazz's sentence. "Yeah Kev beats us up." Eddy admitted flatly. "A lot. And way worse than just squeezin' yer arm."

"Why are you telling me this?" Nazz asked. "I thought you'd be the first to go and take credit for me wanting to hang out."

"Psh, like I'd do that!" Eddy scoffed, taking the moral high ground.

"You already did, didn't you?" Nazz asked, deadpan, and folding her arms.

"You can't prove it, though." Eddy said, smugly.

Nazz chuckled.

"Look all I'm sayin' is this," Eddy began his tone far more serious, "I won't hold it 'gainst ya if ya wanna stay home that day and tell everyone it was a prank."

Eddy then started to walk away a bit faster.

"Even if it wasn't from the start." Eddy said before zooming off.

Nazz stood there, half surprised at how fast Eddy ran, and the other half surprised at what Eddy said to her.

"Eddy just tried to get me to back off?" Nazz asked. "He wanted me to back off…to protect me? Of all people I thought he'd want me to hang out the most. Or…is it because he still doesn't trust me?"

Nazz wanted to be angry.

She really did.

But then she thought back to Kevin.

And looked at her bruised arm, her hand open.

"To be honest I don't really blame him…" Nazz thought. "I guess I'll have to prove myself then." Nazz said to herself, closing her fist, looking to the sun with determination on her face, and fire in her eyes!

 ***TWEET***

The high-pitched screech of the gym teacher's whistle pierced the air.

"NAZZ THIS IS GYM!" The teacher bellowed through the half of a hoagie he had crammed in his mouth. "MOVE YER BUTT!" he said as he sat his butt on two chairs (one for each cheek)

"Yes coach!" Nazz shrieked, taking off like a bullet.

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	3. Chapter 3 Party At Eddy's House

I own nothing. All characters are owned by their rightful owners.

Please remember to review!

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Eddy's house.

Friday

3:25 p.m.

"Come on Sockhead, we gotta make this place perfect for when Nazz comes over!" Eddy ordered from the family room at Double D who was working in the kitchen.

"Thank you for the exposition Eddy." Double D said sarcastically. "It's not as if the readers had any form of summary to this story on the website."

"Less fourth wall breakin' and more salad makin'!" Eddy ordered, pointing at Double D as he continued vacuuming the surface of the TV screen. "Nazz is a chick, and chicks dig salads."

"You do realize we would have had more than enough time had we started this YESTERDAY instead of TODAY." Double D reminded, as he put on rubber gloves and began mixing the salad with his hands. "School lets out at three and factoring in the ten minutes it takes for us to get here, we have under two hours to get everything ready."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Eddy said, vacuuming the ceiling, as he stood on the chair. "Criminy, write a book why don'tcha?"

"Eddy dare I ask what degrading, laborious, and otherwise menial task have you assigned to our lovable oaf?" Double D asked as he tossed the salad.

Eddy merely pointed at Ed staring at a crudely drawn face on a piece of paper, taped onto the wall.

"I'll win this staring contest, yet Eddy!" Ed said, determined. "Ya can count on me!"

"Good job, there lumpy." Eddy encouraged giving Ed a thumb's up. "Win it for Ma, Pa, and apple pie!"

"Pie feels good between my toes." Ed mused.

"And when ya win, ya can have all the pie ya can stick yer feet into!" Eddy encouraged, seeming genuine, but unable to hold back a chuckle.

"Oh boy, oh boy!" Ed said giddily.

"Eddy?" Double D asked, annoyed.

"Yes, Double D?" Eddy asked, smugly.

"What, pray tell, is that?" Double D asked pointing at the drawing.

"Hey, I needed somethin' ta keep 'em busy!" Eddy defended. "Whattaya think I am, a miracle worker?"

"You do of course realize Ed could assist us in our endeavors?" Double D asked rubbing his own temples, trying to soothe the headache his friend had so kindly given him.

"Remember when he helped us "fix" Johnny's sink?" Eddy asked. "And then he tore out the support beam to the house?"

 ***SSSSSSS***

Double D's hat then deflated and drooped.

"Point taken." Double D sighed, returning to the salad.

Another half hour passed and Double D finally finished the salad.

"Filthy, filthy, filthy." Double D chanted as he removed the ranch covered rubber gloves from his hands, disposing of them in the proper receptacle.

 ***DING-DONG***

Ed blinked.

"Aw geez." Ed sighed. "And I was winning!"

 ***DING-DONG***

"Do I have to answer in the form of a question?" Ed asked, with his trademark vacant stare.

"Gentlemen!" Double D called to his comrades.

"Who walked in?" Ed asked.

"That joke is older than **_any_** of my records Ed." Eddy sighed.

 ***DING-DONG***

"Alright boys, try ta look at least somewhat presentable." Eddy said, pulling the Eds together.

"He means you Double D." Ed said.

"I BEG YOUR—!?" Double D stammered angrily.

"Are ya done?" Eddy asked, annoyed.

Eddy then opened the door and Nazz entered the house.

Nazz had worn a different outfit than usual today. She still wore her purple pants, but she also wore a bright blue t-shirt, a green flannel sweatshirt was tied around her waist and a blue hat that was worn backwards.

"Mi casa as su casa!" Eddy said smiling. "That's French for howdy."

"It's really not." Nazz corrected, with a big smile still on her face. "But I appreciate the sentiment."

"We have sent away for a small pizza pie for us, and have mineral water and salad already prepared for you." Double D exposited.

"You know you guys don't have to impress me." Nazz said, shyly. "I don't feel like eating salad tonight; do you mind if I have soda and pizza instead?"

"Of course, you can have pizza." Double D advised, nervously. "We just want to put our best foot forward."

"Best foot?" Ed realized panicking. "Is it this one?"

Ed picked up his left foot.

"Or this one?" Ed asked picking up his right foot.

Ed was now levitating in mid-air.

"Ed please refrain from breaking the laws of physics in front of company." Double D chastised, whilst rubbing his temples.

 ***THUD***

"Oops." Ed apologized. "If you have glue I can put the laws of fizziness back together."

"How does he—?" Nazz asked, but was cut off by Eddy (surprise, surprise).

"Don't." Eddy interrupted. "Trust me. Saves you a lot of headaches."

"I can attest to that." Double D agreed.

Eddy and Double D then low-fived.

 ***DING-DONG***

The doorbell rang and the pizza arrived.

Eddy went to pay the delivery man with the money his parents had left him.

"Take it easy Scoot." Eddy said, smiling ear to ear as he smelled the pizza.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." The delivery boy sighed.

Eddy then brought the box of pizza to Double D.

"You find the channel whilst I divvy up the pizza." Double D instructed.

"Divvy away." Eddy mocked.

He then leapt over the couch and bounced onto the cushion next to Ed.

"Lumpy what channel is the marathon on again?" Eddy asked, grabbing the remote.

"The channel on the TV." Ed responded smiling.

"You may wanna help Double D with the pizza, Nazz." Eddy advised. "This'll prob'ly take a while."

Nazz then followed Double D to Eddy's kitchen.

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Fun Fact: Scoot is a character that was in a promo where Ed went on a date with Daphne from Scooby-Doo.

I kid you not.

It's real.


End file.
